When the heck did all this happen?!

Wow, I haven't blogged since May 2011. Since then, I've turned 27, 28, and 29. The wriggling 9 month old I used to blog about has turned into a full blown little girl. She will be 3 in a little less than 2 months. She is the light of our lives and 100% girl. She is all about makeup, changing clothes, pretty dresses, and drama. We also have a new addition on the way. After a rough year or so of trying with a few losses, we finally got a baby to stick. He (no name yet, Noah has rights so I'm patiently awaiting his ruling) is due October 7, but he will be here a little earlier. The first 20 weeks were stressful due to my history of pregnancy loss, painful due to the scar tissue stretching and my lovely fibroid, and exhausting seeing that my lovely daughter has an abundance of energy. Since we got positive results on our big ultrasound and all testing has been normal, we have hit somewhat of a stride. Ok, enough catch up, now on to the main event... Around my birthday I always find myself a bit reminiscent. This year, I just couldn't help but wonder where the last 4 years went. Here I am about this time 4 years ago...

And here I am now...

I refer to myself as a reformed party girl, but the truth is, a true party girl never fully reforms. The last 4 years of my life have included more change and excitement than most get in 10 years including but not limited to: pregnancy(surprise!), marriage, a move to Germany, having a baby in a foreign country, traveling all over Europe, moving back to US, having to adjust to a new type of life in old surroundings. I have really struggled with the adjusting. It is so hard letting go of who I was especially since I really liked her. She was awesome and hilarious. It is even harder finding where I belong now. I haven't been able to switch to mommy groups and car pools. While there are a few moms that I really enjoy hanging out with, I find that most just like to have pissing contests about how "advanced" their kids are. It is also hard to hang out with my pre-baby friends. They are all wonderful to Sylvia and very accepting of where I'm at, but there is still that separation that comes from just not being able to be around. When I started my blog "My life as a grown-up..." I was a little scared, but mostly excited about this new chapter in my life. Now, looking back, I realized that I had no idea the challenges I would face. Being a grown-up hasn't been like playing house. It has been hard decisions, broken hearts, let downs, and a whole lot of learning sewn together by lots of laughter, kisses, hugs, and love. As I start to stare down my 30's I'm glad I learned all these lessons, so I know better than to think life is a cake walk. It is hard, and it doesn't give you many breaks. It takes courage to get through it. There are so many things to be scared of, and you should be. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway though, right John Wayne? Time to saddle up, kids... we're just getting started AGAIN.