Friday, March 4, 2011

The Funk

So lately I have been in a serious funk. It is almost enough to say I'm semi depressed. I really have no reason to be seeing that I have everything a person needs to be happy. I have just been so unmotivated to do ANYTHING. I weigh more than I've ever weighed (minus being 9 months pregnant) in my entire life, and I can't seem to get motivated to really diet or exercise that much. If I leave the house twice in a week, it is a good week for me. When we moved to Germany they warned us about the winters. They are long and cold. There are no 60 or 70 degree days September-April. I don't even think I saw the sun the whole month of December. I'm not cut out for this. I was born in South Florida. I NEED THE SUN. I have no idea how people do this year after year. I understand why Germans are so miserable though. Needless to say, I am in desperate need of my trip home. In 6 days Bear and I will be in LKN, and we will be in Florida on 19 days. The things I wish to accomplish while I'm home:
1. Spend as much time as possible with family and friends. Being alone sucks. I love Noah and Bear, but I need some time with other people. I isolate myself here. It isn't healthy.
2. Get a tan. I think sunshine is a must for happy people. I truly believe the lack of sunshine and warmth in my surrounding has directly attributed to the lack of sunshine and warmth in my soul.
3. Exercise every day... outside. This goes along with my needing a tan, but fresh air while exercising helps too. Even if my exercise is pushing Bear in her stroller down to Birkdale Village to window shop (I'm not buying myself anything until I lose at least 10 pounds, but it should probably be 20).
4.Go on a couple of real dates with my husband. It will be our anniversary while we are there. We need some time away from our sweet angel to actually feel like a couple again instead of just parents.
5. Show off my baby. I know that is so tacky to say, but she is my most awesome creation. She is such a ham, and I love to dress her up and show her off.
6. Spend one night acting like my old self. I want to take one night and act like the carefree person I used to be. I may drink a few too many Coors Light drafts, sing some karaoke, and do some serious fist pumping. I've spent the last 14 months being completely responsible, and I need a night away with my super crazy fun friends.
7. Do some serious work on myself. Being a stay at home mom is hard. It is emotionally trying being a slave to an infant 24/7, and I am starting to lose touch with who I am. I've lost sight of goals, and I have no priorities past Bear and Noah. I need to find a balance between who I was and who I am, and I need to devise a plan to get to who I want to be.

That was some serious rambling, and I haven't even had a drop of wine...


  1. Ugh, I hear ya... I cannot stand Winter! You know, it is possible that you're experiencing a seasonal affective disorder or a Vitamin D deficiency. You're definitely not getting as much sun as you used to and it could be causing a physiological reaction rather than just a mental one. You could try taking a Vitamin D supplement - should give you some energy to get up and out of the house! :) Lemme know if you do get a night to go out while you're in town, Jeff and I will def come see ya!

  2. get a sun lamp too! they help a lot with seasonal depression! sit in front of that bad boy for a little bit every morning, and it may help.

    i feel for ya, girl. it is SO tough being a stay at home mom and trying to keep an identity. it seems like the first question people ask when they meet you is, "what do you do" like your job defines who you are. but you are raising and shaping a human being, and that is pretty awesome. i hope you have fun at home! and some florida sun will be nice!

  3. It is rough...being a first time Mommy with you I go through the same ruts. I don't know what to tell you because it is like the blind leading the blind but I understand what you are going through and will always be here for you if you ever want to share stories.